NICU LIFE: Wait! Part One: The Day
Wow, hello all! It has been so very long since I have used this medium. I have been desiring to write/blog but had no clue where to start. I was speaking to a friend the other day and she inadvertently reminded me how much writing is an outlet for me. Those that have read my blog posts before know that it is very eclectic and my style of writing is basically off of the top of my head so lets see where this one takes us. This will be a multi-part post because it takes a lot out of me to relive certain things but it is cathartic at the same time.
These last few months have been a ride for sure. Since my last blog post I have had a baby. Precious baby girl, Belle. Belle was born 6 weeks premature and has Trisomy 21, also known as Down Syndrome. Along with that she has a congenital heart defect and has been in the NICU since birth. Yesterday was 2 months. We are currently awaiting the decision to have open heart surgery now or later. She is too small for their liking and not well enough to go home, yet so we are waiting to see what the surgeons/cardiologist think is best. Those are the facts but today I would like to open a window and give you a glimpse into the world of the NICU for those that may not understand or know what it is like.
When one is expecting a child their image of having that baby is usually going into labor, mad dash to the hospital, having that baby and basking in the glow of the accomplishment of bringing that new life into the world, 2-3 days later getting to take that new life home and enjoy the first few weeks of bonding and continue your life whichever way you see fit.
What is not expected is the routine checkup telling you something is not right, in your mind you say "Wait, what do mean not right? I've done everything you've told me too." But you say, "Ok." You are now being rushed to the hospital whether in your town or miles away. Transported by car, ambulance, plane, or even helicopter, yes helicopter! As soon as you get to the hospital you are rushed away to observation and hooked up to monitors, blood pressure cuffs, blood draws.
You think, "Wait, What is happening? I was planning on a natural birth." The doctor says natural birth is not an option right now. We need to get baby out now. You think, "Wait, now? No, it is too early. She/He is not ready. I'm not ready." But you say, "Ok" The flurry of activity, the rush of the bed to the operating room. The prepping, prodding, and draping. "Wait, where is my family? Who are these people? It's going to fast." The anxiety, the fear, the questions swirling through your mind. The tugging and pressure. The Dr. , 'Ok, mom. Almost done, how are you doing?' You think, "Wait, did he just ask me how I am doing? How do you think I am doing?" but you say, "I'm ok". He wipes his brow and murmurs something to the assistant.
More doctors come in the room and speak as you are being worked on. One comes up and says, "Hi, I'm doctor 'so and so'. I'm the Neonatologist and will be taking care of your baby." You think, "Wait, that's a big word. Isn't that the baby doctor when something is wrong? And what do you mean you'll be taking care of my baby? I'm supposed to be taking care of my baby." But you say, "Ok, thank you." Then the surgeon says, "Here we go. You'll feel some pushing mom, a lot of pressure." You do feel it. You wait, you don't know what is going on. The drapes are blocking your sight, you wait. Then you hear something, A sound, a grunt or a cry. You think, "Wait, is that my baby? I want to hold her/him." You say, "Can I hold her/him?" They say "I'm sorry, but we have to get them to the NICU. But we will let you see them real quick before we go." They wheel by with a clear box with this small thing inside. You think, "Wait, is that my baby? Wait, you are moving too fast I cant see the fingers and toes. Is she/he ok?" They say, "You did great mom, your baby is beautiful, we will take care of her/him." You think, "Wait, don't go. I want to hold her/see her/help her." You are being closed up and they say, "Ok, all done. We will wheel you to recovery now."
You are in the recovery room and you think, "Wait, where am I? Where is my baby?" You see a new nurse and she comes to take your vitals. You watch as she checks your incision, your pressures, everything. She says, "You are doing great mom, your vitals are good, they are leveling out." You think, "Wait, my vitals can't be good. I'm freaking out! Where is my baby?" but you say, " Thank you, when do you think I can see my baby?" She says, "Soon but right now we have to....Wait.".............
These last few months have been a ride for sure. Since my last blog post I have had a baby. Precious baby girl, Belle. Belle was born 6 weeks premature and has Trisomy 21, also known as Down Syndrome. Along with that she has a congenital heart defect and has been in the NICU since birth. Yesterday was 2 months. We are currently awaiting the decision to have open heart surgery now or later. She is too small for their liking and not well enough to go home, yet so we are waiting to see what the surgeons/cardiologist think is best. Those are the facts but today I would like to open a window and give you a glimpse into the world of the NICU for those that may not understand or know what it is like.
The Day
When one is expecting a child their image of having that baby is usually going into labor, mad dash to the hospital, having that baby and basking in the glow of the accomplishment of bringing that new life into the world, 2-3 days later getting to take that new life home and enjoy the first few weeks of bonding and continue your life whichever way you see fit.
What is not expected is the routine checkup telling you something is not right, in your mind you say "Wait, what do mean not right? I've done everything you've told me too." But you say, "Ok." You are now being rushed to the hospital whether in your town or miles away. Transported by car, ambulance, plane, or even helicopter, yes helicopter! As soon as you get to the hospital you are rushed away to observation and hooked up to monitors, blood pressure cuffs, blood draws.
You think, "Wait, What is happening? I was planning on a natural birth." The doctor says natural birth is not an option right now. We need to get baby out now. You think, "Wait, now? No, it is too early. She/He is not ready. I'm not ready." But you say, "Ok" The flurry of activity, the rush of the bed to the operating room. The prepping, prodding, and draping. "Wait, where is my family? Who are these people? It's going to fast." The anxiety, the fear, the questions swirling through your mind. The tugging and pressure. The Dr. , 'Ok, mom. Almost done, how are you doing?' You think, "Wait, did he just ask me how I am doing? How do you think I am doing?" but you say, "I'm ok". He wipes his brow and murmurs something to the assistant.
More doctors come in the room and speak as you are being worked on. One comes up and says, "Hi, I'm doctor 'so and so'. I'm the Neonatologist and will be taking care of your baby." You think, "Wait, that's a big word. Isn't that the baby doctor when something is wrong? And what do you mean you'll be taking care of my baby? I'm supposed to be taking care of my baby." But you say, "Ok, thank you." Then the surgeon says, "Here we go. You'll feel some pushing mom, a lot of pressure." You do feel it. You wait, you don't know what is going on. The drapes are blocking your sight, you wait. Then you hear something, A sound, a grunt or a cry. You think, "Wait, is that my baby? I want to hold her/him." You say, "Can I hold her/him?" They say "I'm sorry, but we have to get them to the NICU. But we will let you see them real quick before we go." They wheel by with a clear box with this small thing inside. You think, "Wait, is that my baby? Wait, you are moving too fast I cant see the fingers and toes. Is she/he ok?" They say, "You did great mom, your baby is beautiful, we will take care of her/him." You think, "Wait, don't go. I want to hold her/see her/help her." You are being closed up and they say, "Ok, all done. We will wheel you to recovery now."
You are in the recovery room and you think, "Wait, where am I? Where is my baby?" You see a new nurse and she comes to take your vitals. You watch as she checks your incision, your pressures, everything. She says, "You are doing great mom, your vitals are good, they are leveling out." You think, "Wait, my vitals can't be good. I'm freaking out! Where is my baby?" but you say, " Thank you, when do you think I can see my baby?" She says, "Soon but right now we have to....Wait.".............
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